Haunted
by Bookworm813
Summary: Bartimaeus misses Nathaniel, but what if he's not really gone? Sucky summary I know but I'm sorry. BatxNat, extremely OOC. Dont like it, dont read. Rated t to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

I stood in front of the statue they dedicated to Mandrake. It's quite the piece of work, I'll give 'em that. Whoever made it is quite talented. In fact, its almost perfect. Only one thing is wrong, wait no, two.

1. The name on the statue. I know it shouldn't bother me, after all Mandrake is who the public knew. Mandrake was powerful, famous, he is the one the public honors, whereas Nathaniel... Only two people ever knew him by that name. Only two people will ever know who the real savior of this wretched world is. But you see, Nathaniel is the only one of the two who is worth remembering. The only one worth mourning. The only one worth loving. The world may honor John Mandrake, but Nathaniel is the one who's loss is mourned.

2. The eyes. Everything about the sculpture is to the tee, but not the eyes. They are empty and hallow, void of that fire that used to inhabit Nathaniel's. there is no passion, no anger, no glint of annoyance or sparkle of suppressed laughter. They are cold, empty... Dead. Like him. Those eyes are a reminder that no amount of wishing, and no amount of gazing longingly up at statues will bring him back.

Kitty's the one who summoned me back to this hell hole. When I first felt the pull of the summoning, I had let myself believe, just for a second, that it would be Nathaniel standing in that pentacle, hands on his hips, an annoyed expression on his face saying 'demon, I charge you with the task of...'. I had wished for it so badly, I had almost believed my little fantasy. That was, until I was faced with Kitty in a black mourning dress dragging me along to a pompous, stuck up, poor excuse for a funeral. Yea right. Not a single person there besides Kitty and I ever really gave a damn about him. They didn't even have an actual grave. It was more of a monument dedication than anything. That really hit me hard. I had at least thought that he would get that whole "rest in peace" coffin in the ground thing, but nope. They just stuck a statue in the ground where the glass palace used to be and were done with it. I felt my body begin to shake as the ache in my chest became to much. I came at least once a week, sometimes more. It never got any easier, standing in front of that statue with its cold dead eyes. Every time I visited the thing I would return to Kitty's apartment a shaking wreck, sometimes I didn't go back to the apartment at all. But, despite how hard it was to do, I came. It was my own way of saying goodbye, and honoring Nathaniel, who was ten million times the man John Mandrake would ever be.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly. Can you believe it, me, Bartimaeus, talking to a statue of a dead magician like it was an old friend. At least the street is empty. The cold wind and thick fog that had been shadowing the place all morning was enough to keep any human with a lick of sense inside, so there were no witnesses to my embarrassing display. "I'm sorry you had to die. Why didn't you listen to me? Damn it I told you to run!" I let tears spill down my cheeks. I missed him, I really did. The pain and the guilt I felt over his death weighed down on me more and more every day. I reached up and touched the statues hand. It was cold and metal, but for just a moment, I pretended it was him. "There is so much I never got to tell you. I know I'll regret that for as long as I live." The wind swirled around me, and I could almost here his voice, a feint echo, muttering 'damn demon!' I know its just in my head, but its a small comfort to here his voice again even still. It almost gives me the feeling that he's still here somehow. I know it sounds stupid, and sappy, and oh so cliche, but its a nice thought. I begin walking back to kitty's place, deciding that I had tormented myself enough for one day, but hesitant to leave all the same. As painful as it was to look at that statue, it was all I had left of him. The wind picked up again. 'Go home you damn demon' it seemed to whisper in my mind. I let a few more tears run across my face before wiping them away with a shaking hand.

"I always loved you you idiot." I sobbed pathetically. "And it kills me that you'll never know." I slipped my hand out of the cold metal fingers of the statue and hurried off. Tears still streamed down the sides of my face and my body still shook with quiet sobs.

When I got back to Kitty's place, she took one look at me and wrapped her arms around me. Before all this I would have shoved her off with a snarl and a reminder that I don't do hugs, but now... Things were different. I was different.

"I told you not to go." She sighed sadly.

"I know, but I have to." I mumbled in return. We were very used to this conversation by now.

"No you don't!" She said, her tone became snappish, "I miss him to, but crying about it won't bring him back!" I think she knew she hit a nerve the minuet the words left her mouth, because she pulled back to look me in the eyes. "I'm sorry, but I'm also right. You need to move on."

"I can't." I whisper, my gaze trained on the floor. "I want to, but I cant. He can't just disappear. Someone... someone has to re... remember." She gave me another quick squeeze before letting go. "Your free to do what you want for the night. I'm going to bed." Her tone was tiered, a sharp reminder she had suffered many sleepless nights remembering the boy who's death save her life. She missed him too, but she had moved on. I, however, was stuck in place.

"Kitty, I'm essentially always free to do what I want." I reminded with a bit of my old spark, before letting my face fall back to an expression of grief and pain. The second she left the room, I left, turning into a little sparrow and taking my leave via the still opened window. I flew and flew and flew, not really sure where I was headed, but anywhere that didn't remind me of him would do. I could here his voice in my head, teasing 'are you really that eager to be rid of me?'. Was I insane? Probably. Oh well, I couldn't care less anymore. I lived while he died, its only fair that life should come with a cost. Finally, I found myself sitting on a park bench.

"I miss you Nat." I murmured into the wind. "Had you lived, you probably would have had a happy life with Kitty, that would hurt, but as long as you were happy I would be ok. You would have been elected prime minister, I bet. Youngest one in history, that woulda been something."

The wind made no reply, and I suddenly felt very small in a very big, lonely world. What a human feeling. But, I suppose if I fell in love with a human, there must be something rather human about me after all.


	2. Chapter 2

Nathaniel had been sort of floating since the staff broke. Everywhere, yet nowhere at the same time. It was an odd feeling, but one he had grown accustom to. He wasn't really sure what he remembered exactly. Memories seemed to flow around him, some were his, and some were of people he had never met and places he had never been. Seeing them was like catching the briefest glimpse of a movie screen as you walked past, not enough to determine what's going on, but you may catch a glimpse of a face, or a building. Every once and a while he would see a face that he somehow had the name for, yet did not quite know how that name got there. So, again it was a strange feeling to say the least.

He found himself drifting peacefully around a busy city. One he knew he had seen before, as even the street signs and corner stores oozed familiarity. It was in that familiar city that he saw a face he recognized very clearly, his own. A statue, he came to realize. It seemed fitting that it should be there, but he couldn't for the life of him remember why. Then he caught sight of the boy standing in front of the imposing monument. A name drifted into his conciseness, along with a few hazy images. 'Bartimaeus'. Along with the name, came another few phrases. 'damn demon' was the one, he found, that came to his mind most easily. It seemed to echo all around him. Nathaniel could here the demon speaking to him, or at least to his statue. the creatures voice was broken in a way that surprised him, though the reason he was so dumbfounded was beyond him.

"There is so much I never got to tell you. I know I'll regret that for as long as I live." He heard the mournful voice say. Nathaniel found himself longing to offer comfort the creature, though he wasn't quite sure why, or how to go about it. Having not had a reason to talk since taking on this new form, he wasn't quite sure he was even still able to communicate at all, much less properly talk. Keeping in mind the echoey effect his thoughts had around his own being, Nathaniel gathered up his energy and projected that one thought outwards.

"Damn demon". The sound of his though echoed from his hazy conscience outward, until it reached the ears of the distressed boy. The boy quieted, and took a couple steps away from the monument before turning back around, as if hesitant to leave. "Go home you damn demon" Nathaniel demanded. A brief thrill shot through him as he relished in the feeling of being able to communicate. The feeling faded, however, when Nathaniel watched Bartimaeus reach up and wipe tears off his cheeks.

"I always loved you you idiot." He heard the djinn sob, "And it kills me that you'll never know." Nathaniel felt feelings of anguish, sympathy, and oddly enough, regret, seep into his conscience. The demon left with that, but Nathaniel drifted off after it. He wasn't quite sure why, but he wanted to be near the demon, and offer comfort in anyway he could. He remembered a distant feeling that he used to associate with the djinn. A giddy, longing, floaty feeling that he had felt when in the creatures presences during his life. He found that the feeling had not left, and he desired to be near his old servant in any way possible, even if it was as a haunting presence, a shadow.

He followed the djinn back to a run down apartment. Upon entering, Bartimaeus was embraced by a girl Nathaniel remembered rather clearly from his past. The fiery rebellion leader, kitty jones. The two argued for a while about... Well, him, before the topic was dropped and kitty left for bed. The demon transformed from his disguise of the young Egyptian boy he favored and into a small bird. Nathaniel could here Bartimaeus's thoughts swirling around him, thoughts off fleeing from the memory of him. that stung, but Nathaniel understood the feeling of loosing someone. how everything that even vaguely reminds you of the person is like a sharp stab to the chest.

"are you really that eager to be rid of me?" Nathaniel asked teasingly. He continued to follow Bartimaeus until the demon stopped on a park bench.

"I miss you Nat." The creature began, back in its favored form. Nathaniel's figurative hart clenched at the words. "Had you lived, you probably would have had a happy life with Kitty, that would hurt, but as long as you were happy I would be ok. You would have been elected prime minister, I bet. Youngest one in history, that woulda been something." The djinn rambled brokenly. Nathaniel longed to reach out and touch him, to hold the creature and tell him that everything would be ok; but he knew he couldn't, and that his attempts to communicate were probably only tearing at the djinn's already broken hart. 'I'm sorry, its going to be ok.' He longed to shout out, but he knew he was only hurting the creature he had come to care for deeply, and so he stayed silent.


	3. Chapter 3

Kitty summoned me at 12 the next day, suggesting we go out shopping or something mundane and uninteresting such as that. Of corse, I knew she was really just making an attempt at getting my mind off... Him. I appreciated the gesture, but made it perfectly clear I wouldn't be caught dead toting her bags around in a crowded shopping center.

And yet, here we are.

Unfortunately, the mindless task of shopping had not been a big enough distraction. Nothing would ever be a big enough distraction. It's like trying to take someone's mind off a severe injury. More often then not, it won't work. As pathetic as it sounds, suddenly everything somehow reminded me of him. Every gawky awkward teen with bad hair, every mention of the war with the American colonies, every bustling businessman or rude politician. That stupid kid was everywhere! And what's worse, His stupid "real war stories" were being handed out on every street corner! I mean will someone please help these damn idiots make up their minds! When He was alive those damn things could be found as toilet paper in nearly every pub, now its as if they came from the bible! Kitty liked to pretend she didn't notice, I on the other hand had to stop myself from ripping the head of anyone with one of those papers in their possession. Hypocrites, the lot of them, but that's a common attribute in humans, so I should be used to it by now. I'm rambling now, but it doesn't seem to matter much. Nothing matters much to me anymore.

Anyway, I was standing outside of a woman's department store, holding two bags. They were hot pink no less. I considered taking the form of a female, but decided I couldn't be bothered. Kitty would be out any minuet, then the horrible nightmare of shopping could be over! As I predicted it wasn't long before kitty came striding out of the incredibly girly shop, another pink bag in tow. "Honestly Bartimaeus this whole thing would be a lot more helpful for everyone if you actually came in the shops with me." She grumbled as she handed me the bag.

"And as I've said more times then should be necessary, I will not be caught dead in that place. That is where I draw the line." I countered, admittedly feeling like my old self if only for a minuet. Kitty rolled her eyes, but let it go for now. "Now lets get out of here." I pressed eagerly. Kitty sighed, having officially given up on this particular scheme. I knew, however, it was only a matter of time before she came up with some new dastardly way to temporarily keep me from "wallowing". Her word, not mine. I prefer the term mourning. Besides, even if I was borderline wallowing, can you honestly blame me? I've lived a very long time, and yet, He stuck out. He was special, even I could see that. I loved Him, and I'd never get to tell Him. So, I ask again, can you blame me? According to Kitty, yes. The girl was still babbling on about some nonsense. Most likely about her new position in parliament. As you can guess, not my favorite topic, and I made a habit of tuning her out whenever the subject was approached.

"Bartimaeus!" The tone of her voice made it obvious this was not her first bid at my attention.

"Huh? You were saying?" I cringed, definitely not my most clever of responses, but I probably could have said worse. Besides, it's not like I was interested in her senseless prattle, which she was well aware. I had made my views very clear, as had she. I wasn't going to listen, but that wasn't going to stop her from talking.

"I was saying Jakob is coming to stay over for a while, and I need you to be civil, understood?" I nodded. Jakob wasn't a bad kid, a tad bit annoying with that whole paranoia thing, but that could be over looked. Kitty sighed (we had both been doing a lot of that recently it seemed), realizing she was getting nowhere with me. "Lets go home." She muttered defeatedly. I nodded, eagerly hurrying after her as we left. If I hadn't been in such a hurry to leave that putrid hell hole, I may have noticed the shadowy, transparent outline of a tall, thin boy hovering just behind us.

A/N: so what did you think? Constructive criticism is welcome. Also, feel free to point out any spelling errors. I'm sure there are quite a few. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Jacob arrived late the next day. A long, brown overcoat was draped over his body while a pair of well worn gloves hid his hands from view. His face was obscured by a combination of the wide brimmed hat he wore pushed down on his head as far as it would go, and the turned up collar of his unnecessarily baggy coat. All and all, he seemed better fitting for lurking in a dark ally then associating with a member of parliament (I meant Kitty by the way, in case you didn't catch on). Typical paranoid Jacob. The kid hasn't changed a bit! Kitty ran up and flung her arms around her unsuspecting victims neck.

"Jacob! I'm so glad you could make it!" She greeted him.

"Nice to see you too kitty. Now can we move this to somewhere less crowded?" He asked. His eyes flitted around nervously. I coughed loudly.

"Hate to brake up this lovely reunion, really its touching, but I don't honestly see a need for me to be here." Kitty shot me a frightening look.

"We leave when I say we leave. Got it?" I nodded hastily, not to keen on attracting kitty's wrath.

"Jacob, you remember Bartimaeus, don't you?" She introduced politely. The boy grimaced, and I honestly can't say I blamed him

"How could I forget?" He muttered dryly. "Him and that scrawny little magician kid make a pretty unforgettable duo. Believe me, I've tried." I winced at the sharp pain in my chest.

"You and me both kid." I muttered, my slightly move jovial mood plummeted back to my original state of indifference towards the world. Jacob shot me a questioning glance, but I averted my eyes. Kitty was quick to change the topic to every day mundane things, but the damage was done. We clamored into Kitty's car, and spent the rest of the ride home in tense silence, with a few sporadic attempts at conversation on Kitty's part. I'll give the girl props though, she was certainly persistent, and quite good at prancing around the "elephant in the room" so to speak. Unfortunately her friend was not so adapt at dealing with theses kinds of things.

"So where is that scrawny brat anyhow. Please don't tell me he lives with you Kitty. I know you said in your letters that magicians as a whole had changed for the better, but I REALY don't want to be anywhere near him. I would be perfectly fine staying with my parents." Kitty shot me a guilty and concerned look before opening her mouth to respond, but I beat her to it.

"No chance of running into him." I snapped out sharply. "That is, unless you plan on taking a stroll where the glass palace used to be. oh wait, forgot, you aren't much of an outdoorsy type, are you?" My words dropped with venom enough to kill an elephant. My lips contorted into a sneer and my eyes filled with anger and pent up pain. "Bartimaeus!" Kitty pleaded as the temperature of the car began to drop drastically. The windows began to crack and the car shook. The light dimmed, but I allowed my eyes to glow with unchecked pain overwhelmed me. The only other time I could remember feeling anything close to this was when Kitty brought up Ptolemy, and that pain had been dulled by centuries. This pain was fresh and overwhelming. It tore into my head and coursed through my veins like fire. I could hear kitty calling my name, and Jacob shouting pointless questions, but their terrified voices hardly registered in my tormented mind. My world was coming apart at the seems and the pain was unbearable.

That was when I heard it. The voice, His voice, whispering in my ear. 'Bartimaeus... Bartimaeus... It's ok... Your ok..." The anger began to fade, the pain relented. "That's it." The voice coaxed. "Let the pain go." As if a plug had been pulled, the fury and despair drained out of me, leavening my feeling week and drained. I fell back limply to the seat, the darkness gone and the windows repaired. Kitty pulled the car over on the side of the road and turned in the seat to look at her two passengers. Jacob was staring opened mouthed with a look I can only describe as a combination of terror and horror. Kitty, on the other hand, looked sad and sympathetic. She reached back and placed a hand on my knee. "Everyone ok?" She asked. The two of us nodded. "Good." And with that she restarted the car. A few times Jacob looked like he was going to begin questioning me, but then Kitty would shoot him a look and his mouth would snap shut. As you could probably assume, it was a long and uncomfortable car ride. Even Kitty had given up on her futile attempts at polite conversation. I found myself wishing I was quite literally anywhere else. As in anywhere. Something told me the feeling was mutual.

A/N: chapters may take a little longer now. I'v got a lot of stuff going on with school right now and I really don't want to fail 8th grade. Thanks for understanding. Please review.


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